I honestly couldn't begin to tell you what day it is today, only that the lockdown feels like it has been in place since the dawn of time. I used to measure Saturdays by marking time until we ventured to the other side of Johannesburg and visited my parents. Catching up on Granny time and sport with my Dad. That has all changed completely, and I think it is a snapshot of how life has changed for everyone.
I try to spend every Saturday at least with my parents, as I am painfully aware that our time together is finite, and these past few months have been dreadful. I video-called my almost octogenarian parents the other evening, and that is always a riot because it has taken a while for everyone to look at the camera. All my mom wanted to know is when we are coming to visit and it was absolutely heartbreaking to say that we can't yet.
It is damn hard, and for everyone, I know we are not the only ones feeling this, and I hope that this lockdown ends sooner rather than later and that we can see our family and friends.
Life is so short, and all I want to do is embrace those closest to me and tell them I love them, deeply and without condition.
On the morning before Sue, my wife, died, she said something which has stayed with me forever, and is never far from my thoughts,
"Why does it take a tragedy like this to make a family understand what love is?"
At the time I didn't really understand what she meant and only after the shock of her passing abated did it really strike me, and she was so right. We become so caught up in our lives, working, paying bills, frustrations, anger, bitterness and bullshit and all those trappings of modern life that we forget to appreciate who we have in our lives.
What we have is ultimately unimportant, what truly matters is who we have and how we interact with them. Life is so short, and can be taken in an instant. Let's not live angrily anymore, let's not hold grudges and let that poison our minds and relationships. God knows I have harboured enough grudges to last 10 lifetimes, but I have to let it go, love demands it.
I held a grudge against people who I believed were out to hurt me and my children, turns out they were broken and hurt themselves, and because of my anger, I couldn't see it.
The world is changing, perhaps it is time that I change with it.
To paraphrase a quote from one of my favourite movies, "Love is all around, let's make sure we tell those whom we hold most dear"
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