Moving on...

It has been a pretty tough week, emotionally at least.

I am moving house soon, definitely a new and challenging beginning....again, but in all honesty I am looking forward to making this change. It has not been an easy choice, but it is forcing me to accept change to my status quo, and getting out of a not particularly pleasant comfort zone.

While I was packing up my cupboard I found a few old photo albums, some which my Mom had put together of my school days and some even earlier, of beach visits when I was much younger. Some of the albums were of the trip Sue and I made to the UK, prior to our wedding, back in 1997.

These photographs and others of her pregnant in Knysna, brought back so many memories, and although it was really nice to revisit them, I found that the following day I was pretty much overcome with sadness.

I spent the whole day feeling morose at times and absolutely grief-stricken at others and I found it incredibly hard to keep my chin up, as I have so often told other people. I really felt her loss so keenly, almost as if she was no longer nearby.

Then a friend came to visit and she changed everything, not by any profound statement, but simply by being light of heart. It is exactly what I needed; to let go and pick up my chin. Yes, I am going through a tough time, but I realised I am alive, and at exactly the place in my life I need to be. Even if my understanding of that is somewhat paltry. I have tried since then to be engaged in my conversations with my children, in particular, because I know that recently I have been indifferent and simply disengaged.

My daughter made a comment yesterday too, which really sat with me. She said that when we as a family have experienced catastrophic change, back in 2010 when Sue passed away, and now when we need to leave our home, something good, something remarkable has been given to us. Since 2010 we have grown considerably closer as a family, not a family that doesn't fight, but a family that is honest, and loving. I am truly blessed to have children who stand up to me and call me out on my shit.

Since 2010, my children have developed an incredible relationship with Granny and Grandpa here in South Africa, something that probably wouldn't have happened in other circumstances.

Now, ten years later, we have an opportunity to break new ground, to forge a new and powerful relationship with ourselves, away from a comfort zone which sustained us for a time, but now no longer serves a purpose.

Look for the blessings in everything you do, because it is always there, we just have to look.

I wish everyone a wonder-filled day.