Just over nine years ago, I came to a crossroads where life, as I knew it, changed fundamentally and shook me to my core.
I am not sure I could find one word to describe me back then; words like ungrateful, self-indulgent and preoccupied come to mind. I did what I felt suited me, whether that was work, or hobbies, but then in late 2010, over a period of 22 days, my life, my world turned upside down.
The 22 days started with Susan, my wife, being admitted to hospital, and culminated with her dying in my arms on the 2nd October. I am comforted knowing that her last words to me were of love.
I changed suddenly from being a father, lost in his own little world, to a single Dad, with two young children, who were so lost without their Mom, and who desperately needed me.
I gave everything of myself to be that Dad, because it was the only thing to do, no-one else was going to stand in my place.
It was hard, harder than anything I have ever been called to do, but I have stood by my children and watch them become wonderful adults, who love wholeheartedly and question everything.
If I look for words to describe me now, I see resilient, open, self-less (well to a degree, I am still learning) and anxious.
I find myself at another crossroad now, which prompted this first blog, and to be honest I am scared senseless because I cannot see the path ahead. Deep down, in my soul, I know this path I am walking now is the right one, because even if I am lost, the forest knows where I am.
I have been blessed by your friendship. You have given me support when I needed it and we have shared some wonderful memories. You have been on a very difficult journey, one that you have travelled with dignity and devotion. Your children are a credit to you. Many would not have turned out as well balanced and happy as yours have, even with two parents. You can do anything if you put your mind to it and who knows what the future may hold. Stay strong, my dearest friend, keep looking forward and embrace the future.